The Invisible Balaram
by Megha Subramanian
I had now become an official member of Bharu akka’s dance class; after I efficiently performed
the role of Vamana, at least that’s what the teacher thought. So she allowed me to sit next to her
and also permitted my questions. Strangely after the permission was granted I never had questions,
I sat quietly, watching and thinking.
She sang in raag Darbar
“Sira samakrishtha sara hastinapura, ghora pralamba hara, baladeva shura”
(You who fascinated the people of Hastinapura with your plough,
And protected Krishna from the asura Pralamba, please protect me as well.)
Bharu akka moved her hand like the plough and pulled it back in a stretch and then she killed the
demon Pralamba. The teacher stopped her to correct her hand position. I wondered, “Who is Balarama?
I only knew of him as the brother of Krishna. Amamma had once told me that Lord Vishnu put two
strands of hair in Devaki’s womb, one white and one black; the black one turned out to be Krishna and
the white one, Balarama. But that’s all I knew about him.” Suddenly the class was over and Bharu akka
pulled me out of my thoughts, I was relieved, now I could get my answers from amamma!
“Amamma,” I went shouting, “Tell me about Balarama.” Amamma who was laughing, while reading
an anecdote, looked up and said, “Come, come, how was class?” I nodded okay, and asked, “Other
than being born with Krishna, what did Balarama do?” I placed myself on her lap, as if that was my
rightful place and looked up at amamma. There was so much warmth; the familiar scent of shikakai
in her hair, the vermillion on her forehead and her nine yards saree never failed to mesmerize me.
Amamma as usual laid bare her wisdom and said, “He is known for fertility and strength. He was
actually sent to protect Krishna. Lord Vishnu created him as a double to stay with Krishna all the
time and he did. Balarama is Krishna’s strength and gave Krishna the confidence to fulfill his work
on this earth. Out of the two, it was only Balarama who never took sides in the Kurukshetra war; he
was equally there for both sides.” Amamma stopped with a wistful look in her eyes, as if she knew
more than that, as if she had seen Balarama.
“But why does Krishna need protection, he is God?” I asked. Amamma caressing my hair, said, “Gods
take birth to learn lessons, just like we do.” Strangely amamma stopped giving me complete answers;
she made me fill the dots and somehow always figured out when I found my answers. I just lay there
on her lap, now listening to the funny anecdote she was reading in Malayalam Manorama.
I never heard much about this avatar of Vishnu other than in passing with Krishna, almost as if he
didn’t matter. When I stared at Krishna’s idol in my room, I smiled with the knowledge that god does
everything through me, but is never visible; just as Balarama was to Krishna. I fell asleep peacefully
knowing that god was, is and will be with me all the time but will not make himself or herself visible,
definitely not as visible as I am!
The next morning, amamma woke me up, and I woke up smiling. She kissed me as if my secret had
transpired to her in our dreams. I looked at Krishna, may be he did it and then corrected myself, no
it was Balaram!
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